How?
by snsw25kr14
Summary: John must explain to four year old Dean that his mommy isn't coming back! pre-series! Please R&R! Major greivingJohn!


Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Supernatural although I wish I did.

Summary: John must explain to four year old Dean that his mommy isn't coming back

Rating: K 

(John pov)

The images were so strong. Everywhere I looked I saw here. My beautiful Mary, my wife and mother of my two young sons. Her flowing golden hair and bright chocolate eyes, imbedded into my brain like they were forever branded there. I know there is no one too blame but, myself for my Mary's death but, was there? How in the hell was she pinned to the ceiling her stomach slashed?

The questions that desperately needed answers were going to have to wait. My boys all that I had left needed me and I was not going to lose them, if I lose them I lose myself. I looked at my oldest Dean, who was so strong never asking questions and most likely always needing answers and I couldn't give them to him. Why? I was selfish; I knew that although everyone I had met in the past 48 hours would say otherwise. My babies were barley old enough to be left alone at a babysitters much less left alone motherless and with a father who had so much guilt inside it were eating him up.

I pushed the thoughts and guilt rampaging through my head away and walked to the bed where my oldest lye, arms wrapped protectively around his six month old little brother. I gently brought my fingers over to his head brushing the soft locks out of his eyes. He looked at me green eyes searching but, never asking the questions that plagued his young mind. I took a breath knowing I was going to have to allow my oldest to ask the questions he desperately wanted to know, and hoping I could answer them.

"Buddy is there anything you want to talk about?" I asked deciding to start the conversation.

"Yes, but I'm scared you'll be mad at me." His voice so soft and shaky brought another spear to my already shattered heart. I gently took his hand that was laying on the bed before looking into his eyes:

"Dean-o I could never be mad at you, especially at a time like this. Whatever you want to know I'll try to answer as best as possible."

"Daddy why did mommy leave? What took her from me and Sammy?" I swallowed the tears and lump in my throat that threatened to kill me. His eyes so wide and innocent even with the events he saw two days ago. I looked from him to my youngest, Sammy who would cry but, didn't necessarily know what was going on. I ran a hand over is his which had a small mop of hair on it before turning to Dean.

"Buddy, I know for certain your mommy loved you and Sammy very much and so do I. I also know she would never leave you, she loved you too much. I know you want questions answered and I know this is most likely scary for you but, I want you to know I am here. I will always be here, whenever you need me. Dean your mommy she died in a fire and I know this is so much to take in and I'm sure half of what I am saying you don't understand. I do hope you understand though that your mother loved you and Sammy more than anything in this entire world." I said the last few words coming out as choked sobs. I looked at Dean whose eyes where swimming with unshed tears and I felt my heart break just a little more. No four year old, especially my son, should have to learn what the meaning of death is buy losing his mother. I gently stood up and walked around to the other side of the bed before lying down and pulling both of my sons and in some way Mary close to me before I let the tears fall. I watched as both me and Dean's tears fell and hit the ugly colored blanket and I only held on tighter to Dean and Sam knowing I would never let them go and protect them with everything I had. My last thought before exhaustion and pain over came was

**May god have mercy on whatever took my Mary from me and hurt my little boys.**

Author Note: I now this wasn't the best story! I know it was somewhat rushed and most likely at times didn't make sense but, this story came into my head and without writing it down first I got to typing it, so here is the end result! All I ask is that you review but, NO flames!

snsw25kr14


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